May 29, 2026 · AM edition

Hormuz, Wembanyama, and the Pope vs. the Algorithm

The Pope, the traders, and the algorithm walk into a bar - two of them are worried about the third, and the third does not drink.

FF2K generated dispatch art for Hormuz, Wembanyama, and the Pope vs. the Algorithm

Full recap

Good morning. The premarket is doing its usual thing: Dell and HP are moving like someone just remembered they sell computers, AST SpaceMobile is reminding us that satellite internet hype never fully dies, and Gap is apparently still a company. Nothing to see here, just the daily parade of tickers attached to vibes. Meanwhile, Piper Sandler dropped a note that the Strait of Hormuz could stay closed for months and oil is heading to new highs. Nothing like starting your Thursday knowing that a critical global shipping chokepoint is playing the long game. Fill up now, drive less, or just accept that everything is a commodity risk in a fragile world dressed up as a stable one. Pope Leo weighed in on AI and jobs, and honestly the Vatican has better macro timing than most sell-side analysts right now. Traders on Kalshi are pricing in a real unemployment spike before 2030. So we have the Holy Father and prediction markets agreeing that the algorithm is coming for your paycheck. That is either a very bearish signal or proof that even divine institutions are hedging. On the court, Victor Wembanyama and the Spurs forced a Game 7 against the Thunder, which is the most compelling evidence yet that we are living in a golden era of basketball we will someday be nostalgic about while watching ads for medication. The kid is built different and the Spurs are playing like they actually believe in something. Rare energy. Over in soccer, the Champions League final is PSG versus Arsenal, which is essentially a luxury goods conglomerate versus a philosophy project. Arteta built a defensive machine and PSG want a dynasty. One team has Ligue 1 money and the other has ideas. Historically, money wins but the margin is narrowing. Messi is heading to his sixth World Cup with Argentina. Six. The man has been at World Cups longer than most current squad players have been alive. England named Ivan Toney in their squad under Tuchel, which is either bold or desperate depending on how you feel about Brentford's cultural legacy. The NBA Draft mock has the Wizards taking Darryn Peterson at one, the Kings and Thunder moving up, and several big names retreating back to college. Which is the correct move when you realize that rebuilding franchises will trade your contract for cap space before you finish your rookie season. The college-to-NBA pipeline is becoming a risk-adjusted decision tree and the kids are doing the math. Bottom line: oil is a geopolitical hostage, AI is the Pope's villain, Wembanyama is must-watch, and Messi is eternal. Your portfolio and your bracket are both exposed. Stay skeptical, stay liquid.

Highlights

  • Strait of Hormuz closure could last months - Piper Sandler says oil hits new highs this summer, which is the most expensive way to be right about geopolitics.
  • Pope Leo and Kalshi prediction markets both see AI wrecking the labor market before 2030 - when the Vatican and degens agree, maybe listen.
  • Wembanyama forced a Game 7 and Messi is going to a sixth World Cup - two aliens doing alien things while the rest of us argue about utility tokens.
  • Several top NBA Draft prospects retreated to college after realizing that rebuilding franchises are just a polite way of saying 'we will trade you for a second-rounder.' Smart kids.

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